The Daycare Village

Daycare. That word evokes so many emotions, doesn't it? Some mothers when they hear it soften and smile, others shrink back in horror, and another group of us just remain ambivalent about it. I mean, we care. Of course we care. We send our children to daycare everyday, because we work. And we wouldn't dare leave our children someplace we didn't feel comfortable. But we don't quite know our roles as mothers of children in daycare, do we? We all know the cliché "it takes a village to raise a child," and we tend to think of our daycare centers as our own little villages, don't we?

We spent countless hours researching all the daycare centers. We rated them, got recommendations, decided on our "village," and in the first few weeks would spend extra time in the mornings making sure everything was okay. And then routine set in. A few months pass. We see new faces, and miss old ones, we get cute handprint pictures, and macaroni necklaces, but we don't have the time to stop and get involved. Most of us drop off our little ones in the morning and pick them up at night. We spend maybe a combined total of one hour a week in the place that our children spend more than forty. What do we really know about what they do all day? Well, along with being a working mom I'm also a pretty neurotic mom (really, who isn't?). While I felt comfortable with my daycare, I felt uncomfortable with the fact that I was comfortable about a place I spend no time. (Confusing sentence, I know, but confusing concepts deserve confusing sentences.)

So I decided to become really involved in my daycare. I made it my mission to really know the center inside and out. I carved out time in my schedule (who needs to exercise, anyway) and started my mission. I've spent weekends, weeknights, and some sick days (cough, cough) up at the center working on projects and carnivals and other such stuff. I got to know the staff on a personal level, and I found out what I needed to know: They love my little boy just as much as I do. Well, okay, not really, but enough so that I am now comfortable with the fact that I am comfortable.

Believe it or not, it's all about you, not your child. Shocking and unfair, I know, but these people know kids are kids. They are in their jobs because of their love of kids. They forgive kids, they teach them, nurture them, love them. But those same feelings don't automatically extend to the parents. The parents have to earn it. Here are some tips I've learned that will help smooth the way in your little village.

• Get to know your children's teachers. Sounds simple, I know. And I bet you think you already do. So let me ask you, what are their last names? Their spouse's names? Children? Where do they live? How long have they been doing this? What's the last movie they saw?
  
• Spend more time at the daycare. I know, I know, what time? Well, let's start with 5 extra minutes in the morning, and 5 extra minutes in the evening. 10 minutes a day. Not even an extra hour a week. Change up how you spend this time. One day, stay with your child in the room and chat with teachers, another day wander up and down the halls looking at the artwork or observing other rooms. Become a familiar face.

• Bribe them with goodies. Bribe may be a bad word choice these days, but it's oh, so necessary here. Bake some chocolate chip cookies (or as I do, slice and bake, all the way), whip up some rice krispie treats, bring in a dozen donuts. Anything like that. They will love you for it. And even better if you have your children hand them over. Oh, the precious moment! It works like a charm. And then of course, wave away all praise with a flippant, "Oh, it's nothing. Just a little pick-me-up for all you do."

• Become friends with the administrative staff. Don't just waltz right by each day. These people know everything. From the front desk person to the director, they keep the center running smoothly and rarely get much recognition for it. Remember them on teacher appreciation days, holidays, etc. 5.

• Start a Parent-Teacher Association. Really, I'm serious. We now have one that meets once a month and we plan activities for the center, holiday parties for the staff, and discuss real stuff, such as curriculum, etc. I've made some good friends this way, and some real changes in the way the center is operated.

When I started this little mission a few years ago, I couldn't possibly have imagined that I would become so involved. But I'm glad I did. I feel more connected to my child. Which at the end of day, is what it's really about. It does take a village to raise a child, but it takes people to run that village, too. Become one of those people. You won't regret it.