Super (Single) Mom

I am guilty of having a wonderful husband. Yes, guilty. Sure, he’s domestically challenged (He’ll use paper towels before actually checking under the sink for toilet paper refills.), and he’s not that sensitive to romancing me (He bought my first mother’s day card on Mother’s Day, while I remained in the car with our son with the motor running.), but I must admit, he is great. I have forgiven him for not being George Clooney, as I’m sure he’s forgiven me for not being Charlize Theron. He’s an incredible father and a great life partner. So naturally, instead of celebrating this and shouting it from the rooftops, I feel massive guilt. Usually, the guilt is overshadowed by my even more massive working mommy guilt, but it’s still there.

Why the guilt? Well, I look around me and see so many women everywhere that are struggling to raise their kids alone. Single moms by choice or circumstance, it is still a tough hill to climb. I so admire them for their courage. My parents divorced when I was young and my mother raised 4 girls virtually alone, and my husband travels usually 2 days a week, so I do know what it is like, to a teensy degree.

Just when I think I’m doing a pretty good job at the whole balancing work/life thing and I go to pat myself on the back, I’ll catch a glimpse of the single mom – the one working 2 jobs and raising 3 kids whose bathroom is never dirty. How does she do it? I throw a party when I mop the bathroom floor and then I talk about this accomplishment for at least a week. And the single mom, well, she probably just rolls her eyes at me and goes right back to her own balancing act.

In the interest of providing you with more balancing tricks (and to add some to my own arsenal), I recently casually asked one of my single mom friends for some tips. She immediately knew I was trolling for blog ideas, but she obligingly shared with me some of her rules she lives by:

Get prepared at night. No matter how tired you are, finish everything - outfits, lunches, breakfast, briefcase, homework, and anything else. The morning will bring its own crises – don’t add to the pile by being unprepared. (I am so guilty of this.)

Do an errand a day. Do not wait until the weekend to cram them all in – if you plan your week in advance and dole out the errands day by day, you’ll greet your weekend with a sense of fun instead of the usual sense of dread. (As I have previously assumed most moms consider Saturday errand day, I am eager to start practicing this tip.)

Schedule in play time. Your children want your undivided attention, so give it to them, even if that means adding it to your schedule. (Um, okay – no problem there, I am always happy to put off dusting, you know, if it’s for the children and all.)

Use lunch times as “me” time. Figure out how to take a class, find a park, read good books – in other words, never skip your lunch hour. Eat at your desk if you must, but take the time to be with yourself. It is probably the only chance you’ll get all day. (As an employee who constantly keeps one eye on the phone for the dreaded “your child is sick call,” I am always trying to get everything done as quickly as possible. Relaxing in the middle of the day seems foreign, naughty almost. But I think I’m going to try it.)

Find other single moms in your area and form a group of sorts. Rely on this group for support, entertainment, babysitting, and everything else. Only those in your same situation will truly understand you. (At first, this one offended me – "Hey! I’m your friend and I’m not single!" I cried. "Yeah," she said, "and I love you to death, but you really don’t get it. No offense." So then I thought about it differently and applied to myself by thinking I would seek out more mom friends that work full time like me, have traveling husbands, no family in the immediate vicinity, and would never spend $300 on a toddler’s birthday party. This is my criteria and I know there has to be mommies out there just like this.)

While I am humbled in the presence of the true Super(single)mom, I am also inspired. Sure, their rules are born from necessity, but the lessons are still strong ones and can only help improve my balance.