Going Back to Work

Going back to work is one of the toughest choices to make. Consulting all the magazines and books in the world won’t make it any easier, either. Some of you don’t have a choice, some of you love what you do so much it would never cross your mind NOT to go back to work. But for the rest of us in the middle, well, it’s hard. My husband makes enough money; we could live on his salary. But I enjoy being out in the world (and having extra money), so I chose to return to work. I refuse to discuss with you that my decision had anything to do with the sheer terror and abject fear I felt at the thought of being alone everyday with just me and my baby. When his therapy bills come in 20 years from now, I don’t want to know it was 100% my fault, you know.

So I went back. And it was hard. And I survived it. And I learned that all working moms approach this differently, but feel basically the same about it. It doesn’t matter what your childcare arrangements are, either. Daycare, in-home daycare, nanny, babysitter, relative, spouse, monkeys, whatever – the first time you leave your child to go out into the big, bad world, you will be devastated to your very core. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I have the answers on how to breeze through it. But (and I’m not bragging) I was a highly decorated Girl Scout in my day and I learned a few things about survival. (And some really great camp songs, which if you think will help, call me and I’ll belt them out for you.) In no particular order I offer up to you, new working mommy, my top 10 tips for surviving your first day back to work.


1. Do not look to your husband for help. I don’t know why, I’m not a psychologist or scientist, but it’s just different for men. They’re not as freaked out about it and if you try to consult him on “how he made it through” his answer (if he has one) will baffle you and anger you and sadden you. Call your mom. She’s the only one who cares about it like you do.

2. Do not put on your makeup until you are in the parking lot at work. I don’t care if you’re horrified of the thought of your Starbucks crush (c’mon, we all have one) seeing you naked, so to speak. It is far more horrifying to spend the day with raccoon eyes, looking like Saturday morning in college.

3. Do not bring your photo album with you. You are a professional. Yes, you had a life-altering experience and you want to share. But let me be frank here, your coworkers don’t care. Do not let it upset you. They want to see one, maybe two pictures, just to be polite. Save the album for your closest coworkers and only outside the office.

4. Expect to cry at least twice. At the most inappropriate times, too. Like when calling your best client to announce your return, or in the elevator. The crying will be difficult to control and you won’t be able to explain it. Don’t try. If anyone looks at you just smile and say, “Hormones!” Trust me, NO ONE will ask any more questions after that. They don’t want to know your drama.

5. Accept that you will spend your entire day in isolation. Not purposely, but you will just feel incredible lonely and convinced that no one else has ever felt this way before you. You will be completely lost and overwhelmed. Just go with it. Smile and nod a lot and eventually the numbing will subside.

6. Call your husband just to say hi and stay connected. But don’t expect him to kick back for a nice talk-fest. He’s been back at his job for awhile now, and while he’ll want to support you, he just doesn’t get it (read #1).

7. Do not allow your feelings to be unnecessarily hurt. While you were happy and snug in your little baby cocoon, the world did go on, your company did remain open, and your coworkers continued to interact. There will be many things throughout the day that make you feel out of the loop. The new Chinese restaurant that everyone now goes to, the new guy in Accounting that holds court in the breakroom, the infamous team meeting that gets rehashed constantly. You weren’t a part of any of it, and it seems no one is going to fill you in. It’s okay. A month from now, you’ll be back in the loop. These people aren’t trying to exclude you. Again, just smile and nod.

8. Do ask for face time with the boss. Your boss, if male, will harbor an irrational fear that you have changed. You have, certainly, but not as an employee. He needs to be reassured. Spend five minutes telling him you’re happy to be back, looks like things went great in your absence and hey, you noticed the sales figures have increased. If your boss is female, she knows you didn’t change, but she’ll be marginally worried that your focus has shifted. Again, of course it has, but you need to reassure her that you’re committed to the job. And it will never hurt to tell her she looks fabulous.

9. Do bring something for those coworkers who covered for you while you were out. Did they hire a temp? If so, take him/her to lunch, bring a plant, a gift certificate, something to say thank you. Did your work get spread out to several people? Maybe bring donuts for the office, send out an email announcing your return and thanking profusely all those that made it possible for you to enjoy your time off. Acknowledge their burden. Personally, if possible. If you do it well enough, they may even ask to see a picture! (read #3).

10. Do not break traffic laws in your rush home. Your baby is there, just waiting for you. Your baby did not even begin to experience the separation anxiety that you did all day. You had a rough time, but you did it. Savor your drive home as a time to reflect on the day. What was good, what was bad, what you look forward to about tomorrow, what you look forward to when you walk through the front door. But most of all, just enjoy a moment of reflection about the new you. You’re a working mom, now. Congratulations and welcome to the club!